Quickie: Former homewrecker Claire gets married!

Claire Danes --the unattractive heifer that stole pregnant Mary-Louise Parker's husband Billy Crudup then later dumped his dumb, adulterer ass-- has gotten married to her BF of 2 years Hugh Dancy. Where's the justice in the world if someone like her gets a 'Happily ever after'?



Life & Style reports the couple wed earlier this month Blah, blah, frigging blah.

Um... Hugh is sooooo not hot anyways so Technically Karma still gave her just rewards... Great news for Mary Louise!

Side bar/Debate-of-the-day: 'Once a homewrecking ho', ALWAYS a homewrecking ho'?

More Jude Babymama drama. 'Loving it!

The Jude Law babymama circus rolls on to yet another ridunk level.

NOW the actor (supposedly) is "cautious" and wants to be "100% certain" before bonding with/accepting caught-in-the-middle, innocent baby Sophia (aka Sophia Ka-ching). Funny, he wasn't THAT cautious dropping trou & hooking up with Sam 9 months ago but whatevs do we moral people know...



A friend tells British tabloid NOTW:

"Jude is still very cautious about Sam and Sophia. Until he is 100% certain that she is his daughter he is only communicating through lawyers. If he is the father he will meet his obligations to the child. He is hoping for an early chance to establish that he is genuinely her dad."

Poor, defenseless kid!

BTW, Isn't he at all bothered 'Deadbeat dad' will be yet another label added to his ever growing list? Right next to balding, Has-been actor, hack, 'he-went-THERE' ex-lover of Sienna's/but slept with fugly ex-nanny, Douche-that-can't-keep-it-in-his pants!

Also, 'thinking out loud, there IS an operation that can prevent this total B.S. from ever happening again... Um, starts with a 'V'...

Megan Fox + SNL = Slight opinion change!

Who knew Megan Fox coud actually act/be funny?! She sorta pulled off her SNL stint. Her "Flight attendant" was surprisingly good (see vid below) and so was her Biker Chat...

Just in case you can't view the above videos (because of your location) Here:

Now THIS is the Megan we all want & crave for. Oh Who are we kidding, ANY type of Megan will do but the 'She-can-laugh-at-herself' type is much appreciated!

Is Madonna to marry Jesus?

According to Randy Taraborrelli (her biographer) Madonna is planning to wed her 22 year-old toyboy/captive Jesus Luz. OMGee, Jesus Christ indeed!



In the latest copy of HELLO! mag, Randy wrote:

'The pop queen has been dating Jesus since January and it is thought the pair may marry before the end of the year. Madonna is crazy about Jesus and has been telling close friends and family that "I could definitely see myself marrying him. Yes, it's definitely on the table".'

She's "crazy" alright but moving on... He adds that she wants yet another lavish ceremony writing:

"She knows that's what Jesus wants, She has a lot of wonderful memories of both of her weddings. She doesn't want to slip off and do it quietly. She definitely wants a big and rather fantastic affair".'

A friend also spoke to Randy blabbing:

'He respects her, that's number one. He has learned so much from her. He's amazed at how well-rounded she is, the way she juggles her career with her life as a mother, for instance. He understands that she's self-involved, too. Of course, the sex between them is scorching hot. To be candid, it's what's driving things.'

Eugh, eugh, eugh... If the mere image of her 'at it' with her young plaything does not cause you to have a Barf-fest, NOTHING WILL!

This story better be a sick rumor/prank... Don't do it Madge, think this through love!

Totes random: The above pic of her hiding her face in that red book maybe because she KNOWS what she's been 'doing' with Luz is plain wrong. Could/Should even be made Kinda illegal in some parts of the world!

Kelly should forever (& ever) do DWTS!

Granted she can never be described a total babe, still Kelly Osbourne is in the best shape of her life thanks to her latest stint on Dancing With The Stars. The best body weight she (& us) ever dreamed will be achievable by her!



Keep dancing Kel...

Quickie: What has happened to Brad?

Brad Pitt + Age + ridic Beard + Past sins = NOTTIE. So THIS is what the beginning of Karma looks like?!





Jen (Aniston) MUST enjoy this moment/pic... Take it all in girl!

And no, his latest 'bum' look cannot be blamed on any upcoming movie role he's scheduled to do. Well... unless it is a role playing the part of a former Hottie/cheater who has since become an ageing, greying, tired eyed father of 6 (going on 16) kids!

Presenting Mr & Mrs Odom!

She did it!

Khloe Kardashian (the less attractive of the sis') actually went through with her planned nuptials to 'Lakers Lamar Odom after dating for just ONE MONTH. Divorce prediction: MOST LIKELY soonish!



In front of her family, preggers sis Kourtney, Kim K.... and the entire E! network TV cast & crew, Khloe promised the ol' "in sickness & in health" forever BS to Lamar.

Eh... goodluck, They'll need it to pass the 1st year mark.

Just saying! PS:- Unbelievably there's NO prenup, what douches... Their upcoming divorce (in 4,3,2,1) is surely going to be full of juicy Drama shiz.

Eric sues over 'that video'!

Former Idiot of the week Eric Dane is suing a website that showed the private nekkid NOT-a-threesome tape featuring him with his wife Rebecca Gayheart and that has-been former beauty queen. The nerve of some people!

In a lawsuit filed in L.A. County Superior Court, Dane and Gayheart are claiming Gawker.com unlawfully posted the private tape and "maliciously" distributed the video and nude pics of them.

To summarize, they want over $1 million in damages. 'Still smoking crack we see!

Gawker.com's publisher, Nick Denton, has hit back at the ludicrous suit. He posted on his Twitter:

"To quote the great Marty Singer -- Eric Dane's lawyer -- if you don't want a sex tape on the internet, 'don't make one!'"

Well said/twittered Nick!

Tip to Fish-brain Eric: If only he shuts up about it, soon enough everyone will forget his sad excuse of a home porno. It's not like it was in the same explicit league as Paris Hilton's now is it?! And no one ever talks about her infamous 'One night in P****' vid these days... well except for us.

Daily "Hawt Dayum"...

... 9021 0h yes please.... actor Trevor Donovan. Incred!

Hmm, what a WORK OF ART. Kellan's sure got some serious competition... sorry Keke boo!

FYI: He can walk & talk at the same time:

He is single?! And he's in the new Bruce Willis movie 'Surrogates'? Oh my...

It's a baby girl for Jude!

(But we already knew it was a girl to be called Sophia Ka-ching)

Jude Law's baby mama Samantha Burke has finally given birth to yet another bundle of kid-drama for him. Let the Babymomma-Drama games begin!

The baby (who's arrival date was originally October 6th) was born Tuesday night and weighed blah blah blah. Moving on, Sam's publicist (Like Duh, any calculating, publicity whore, soon-to-be paid biyatch needs one of those) Eileen Koch said:

'Samantha Burke is overwhelmed with joy at the arrival of her beautiful and healthy baby girl, Sophia. The baby and mom are doing wonderful.'

She meant to say "Samantha's ticket to the big time has arrived, Jude better start coughing up the dough or else..."

Plus would you believe it, barely a day after the birth, riff-raff/insiders have started crawling out to snitch/add to the future dramz bonanza with a source/one of Sam's relatives telling PEOPLE.com:

'I doubt Jude was there. Besides the financial support, he's not involved.'

Here that Jude? Your move next.

Random Advice: Whenever you want to go your separate ways...

... with an ex, Play this song for inspiration. It's titled --em-- 'Separate ways' by Teddy Thompson. Beautiful, heart it!

Lindsay Lohan? 'Nuff said!

Yeah it IS the song in the horrific Romcom movie "My Best Friend's Girl" in case you were wondering. Only good thing to come out of it... Well That & Kate Hudson's hair!

HAWTNESS!!!

Our monthly yum...

... Noah, Tyson OR Fernando. Decisions, decisions!

Why Rihanna?

Looking like a "working girl" who's just leaving a client's place (and wearing his shirt) after a 'trick', or 2, is not a good look for anyone even Rihanna. Girl has clearly lost ALL her damn fashion brain cells because... WTeff is she wearing now?

Just because she is on the cover of Vogue does NOT give her the right to be this disrespectful to Fashion. Or her thighs.

In other words: ONLY size '0' twig-sized thighs can pull off that hideous leggings/trousers ensemb-thing she has on. Even then...

Sorry Ri, you know it's true! This advice is for your own good (& our eyes)

Oh Joseph, where art thou?

Quick question... Is Joseph Fiennes (those eyes) still with his GF Maria Dolores --something--? Her last name escapes us/'too jealous to care!

Hmmm, IF there is any justice in the world... Cruel we know (cause she is kinda cute) but if he IS currently available...

Well let's just say a few 'people' out there (oh who are we kidding... the splitsup.com team) WILL be on the next plane over to...

Where exactly is he anyways? He DOES have to be single because ain't no Sienna/LeAnn slutty shiz going down! Well...

Kellan in a suit!

Just because...

What's that Keke? Your eyes are telling us to come on over... NOW?! Okay boo...

Jessica near breaking point!

Any one out there (kinda like us) that thought being cruelly dumped would 'ave pushed Jessica Simpson to breaking point, Um... think again.

Word on the street is (fine, her 'friends' have snitched) that her losing her pet dog Daisy HAS taken her to the lowest point of her life ever. What? Lower than being dumped by her kinda fugly ex Tony Romo?

Lower than when she divorced ex-husband Nick Lachey? Wait a minute, Lower than... 3 words... DATING JOHN MAYER?

Moving on, a frenemy of Jessica's tells PEOPLE:

Daisy was her baby, It's going to put her into a tailspin. It will put her into the worst place ever."

Other sources add:

"She won't leave her parents' house,"

"Whenever things went wrong for Jessica, she reached for Daisy, Daisy was her security blanket. When people let her down, she always had Daisy."

"Jessica has a very small inner circle, But she always had Daisy. Daisy gave her unconditional love. Daisy never betrayed her. Daisy was always there for her. This is serious. Jessica’s heart is broken."

They ARE still talking about Daisy THE DOG? Huh... Uh, oh... does this push her towards fatty, carb-orific foods to try to eat away the pain? Hope not because adding to those excess pounds isn't going to help anyone including her sex-symbol image!

Another Kardashian sis (future) drama?!

Khloe Kardashian (you know, the Chyna manly lookalike sis) is getting married to some B-baller Lamar Odom she's only been dating for A MONTH. Another one --soon to-- bite the dust!

Khloe (who NO ONE guessed would beat any of her sisters, espec "the pretty sis" Kim K, to the aisle) is going to marry this Sunday somewhere in L.A. according to PEOPLE.

BTW, Reasons behind their Quickie wedding (ala Milian-Dream) are yet to be confirmed. She isn't knocked up like her sis Kourtney is she? Of course not, she will have had to biologically be born female to be able to ... OH!

Anyhoo, anyone (like us) that's worried this is a big mistake, her older sis Kim (did we mention pretty one) told PEOPLE:

"They're very, very happy," Khloe thinks he's amazing and makes her laugh and smile constantly."

Phew... That last bit has surely eased all the cynicism we ALL had. NOT!

Avril confirms her split from husband!

More '09 splits-R-us folks!

Avril Lavigne has sadly confirmed she and husband Deryck Whibley are no mo'. As in over! Finito! It lasted longer than WE personally thought so... Cynical right?

Writing on her website, Lavigne said:

"I am grateful for our time together, and I am grateful and blessed for our remaining friendship,"

Then (Surprise, surprise) a no-good friend/media source snitched to PEOPLE:

"She married too young and she finally realized that, Avril realized she needs her own life and needs to explore things without him."

BTW, no word if there was any scandalous shiz behind the split but watch this space... This is La-La land after all.

As for the "blessed for our remaining friendship" speech... HA!

Plus, does this mean she'll start dressing a whole lot better than her current eeek phase? Only stating the obvious!

SATC Update: Hint, Guess who may be getting married?

OMGeeee! SATC's Samantha aka Kim Cartrall filming in a wedding dress?

Can she get away with wearing white... Don't you have to be a virgin (like Jessica Simpsonwas/claimed to be) to do that? Who's the lucky guy? Smith? Shower guy?

Anyhoo, here's more pics of the rest of the gang as well:

Carrie wearing... well...

not quite sure of the color coordination. Plus, 'Sup with the hairdo? Kinda makes her look horsey-face! Sorry, 'Meant to say MORE horsey-faced. Cute shoes though...

Charlotte in Mint, Kinda okay... The bag on the other hand... too F-I-E-R-C-E!

Miranda with --Um, awkward-- the same dress as last time. (She better have MORE wardrobe changes than this) Got that Patricia?

Another one of Samantha in a rather fetching purple ensemb. Heart it!

At this rate, NOTHING (the outfits, new plot points) will be a surprise once the movie premieres but who cares?!

Guess which adulteress Ho' is back in town?

'Only LeAnn Rimes... Fresh from her dirty getaway with you-know-who. All married men, Guard your loins! And wives take cover and extra homewrecking Tramp-protection.

Pssst: On her way back from yet another shopping spree (the second chore/activity she thrives in Apart from...) LeAnn rear ended a black Mercedes causing minor damage. This is the 2nd time she's had a vehicular accident.

See, it isn't just marriages she causes damage in...

Kellan + a Mirror = Twice the goodness!

You are welcome girls & boys! Fact, we ALL win today...

Halle: Pregnant OR not pregnant? Kinda looks NOT!

Hmmm... Halle Berry does NOT look pregnant to us! She was just on the Jay Leno show looking knee-baring, stomach FLAT hawt!

She also had this to say about those rumors:

'I was getting a complex! Because I was like, I've got to stop with the burgers or something!'

Here's the interview vid:

If that's what being preggers looks like, Knock us up this instant! On second thoughts...

Madonna Drama! Her own Bro's doing the hatin'.

Remember how Madonna looked a hawt (Mortitia) mess at the VMAs? Come to think of it, when HAS she looked 'manageable' post-divorce/hooking up with that toyboy of hers?

Digressing... It wasn't just those with the sense of sight (i.e. us) that noticed how shockingly dreadful she looked, her estranged Brother Christopher Ciccone (oh yeah, that IS her last name too) had a lot of snarky comments to make about her outfit. Speaking to E!, Chris bitched:

"She looked like Rachel Zoe gone horribly wrong! It proves the point that you can judge a person by the company they keep— or don't keep. It's painfully apparent that Jesus may be able to turn water into wine, but your basic blow-dryer eludes him."

Dayum, major burn! And from blood F-A-M-I-L-Y?

Heart the wine bit "It's painfully apparent that Jesus may be able to turn water into wine, but your basic blow-dryer eludes him." Too hehehe Funny!

Pssst; She is now publicly holding hands with Jesus (who tragically looks like her cute paid help/lapdog in the background of every pic)

Well they have done everything else nastily poss so... And Come to think of it, he is being paid to help her with...

Chris + Ironic Tee + The Po-Po + community service = ...

... Feel free to insert your caption to this photo:

Yep, Too easy! PS- Who else knew (apart from ex Rihanna) that he was ripped like a mutha******?

Quickie: Katherine shows off Naleigh!

So precious!

Who knew all it took for us to stop hating Katherine Heigl (just a tinny-weeny bit less) was just sticking that head of hers next to a cute baby?

Photos By Cheyenne Ellis

That IS until she stars in yet another Yawn-fest Romcom crap!

'Charlize looking less than perfect'...

... is not a sentence we EVER thought we'll utter in this lifetime but it's happened. Here she is looking em -- 'unfinished'-- is the kinder word we'll use this time because 'still heart her!

On their own, the shoes are hawt, See:

But pairing them with her one-shoulder blue mini-dress ensemb... MAJOR NO NO Char! Ridunk legs though.